


Idiotic Pandas and Sexual Tension

by TARDIStime



Category: When The Night Comes (Visual Novel)
Genre: August is perfect, Eskria Power Couple, Flirting, Fluff, Genderfluid Character, Horny on Main for One (1) Enforcer, I love them so much, Lunaris Power Couple, Nonbinary Character, Other, Pandas, Steamy, but not smutty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:20:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24026497
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TARDIStime/pseuds/TARDIStime
Summary: A Junior Hunter is being reprimanded for poor decision-making, and somehow ends up in the middle of a flirting session between the Lieutenant General of Eskria and the Lieutenant General Hunter.a.k.a. Helena and August sometimes forget that other people do in fact exist, Helena is a horny feral chaos entity, and a poor Junior suffers for it. Also, pandas are mentioned.
Relationships: August Willenheim/Original Character(s), Hunter/August Willenheim, Nonbinary Character/Genderfluid Character
Kudos: 18





	Idiotic Pandas and Sexual Tension

**Author's Note:**

> Helena Krauss is my Hunter. They (currently she/her) are a genderfluid pansexual, they have hazel eyes, and dyed purple hair.
> 
> They are also, as you may have read from the tags and summary, a horny feral chaos entity. Who will throw down for August any time, any place. 
> 
> Blaise Cloven is just some poor random Junior Hunter, whose entire purpose is to be made extremely uncomfortable by Sexual Tension. We all caught up? Yes? Great. Carry on.

_Flick._

_Flick._

_Flick._

The sound of turning papers isn’t a sound one would think could strike fear into the heart of an adult warrior. Nor the silence of the office (so silent one could hear a pin drop), though it might cause some unease. But as the shaking hunter Blaise Cloven sat a desk away from Lieutenant General Hunter Helena Krauss, possibly one of the most terrifying people in the world, he truly understood the meaning of _fear_.

The Lieutenant General hadn’t even acknowledged him for the moment; merely browsing the mission report that General Meriman had handed to her when Blaise had been escorted to her office. Slowly. Leisurely. Blaise could only sit watching, occasionally observing a furious scowl cross Krauss’s face when something in the report wasn’t to her liking. Which there was likely to be a lot of.

He hadn’t _meant_ to almost jeopardize the mission, not really. But the creature had been _right there_ , and although Meriman had told him to stay put, he had dashed into the fray; effectively warning the creature, and almost giving it time to escape. Only Meriman’s quick thinking had managed to salvage the mission, and Blaise was immediately certain that he was In Trouble, with a capital ‘T’. Although he could tell himself that he thought it was a test, to gauge if he could think for himself rather than trail after the leaders like a puppy, he would be lying. In truth, he just wanted to prove himself. And now he would pay the price.

So as the minutes dragged on, the Junior could only wonder precisely _how_ dead he was... and nearly jump out of his chair when the Lieutenant General murmured:

“Ailuropoda melanoleuca...”

_..._

_What?_

“I... I’m sorry...?” He stammered, “Lieutenant, I-I don’t-“

He cut himself off when Krauss’s hazel eyes finally shifted up to rest on him, a sharp little smile playing at her lips.

“Oh, not yet, you’re not.” She said in an almost pleasant tone; anger just smoldering under the surface, promising all manner of _un_ pleasant things. “But you will be.”

Blaise swallowed thickly, trying to gather moisture to his desert-dry throat, as Krauss casually leaned back in her chair, report still clutched in her hand.

“I said: ‘Ailuropoda melanoleuca’. It’s a species of bear. You’re probably more familiar with the name ‘panda’?”

Blaise nodded slowly and shifted in his seat, perplexed. Wasn’t he supposed to be getting the tongue lashing to end all tongue lashings? Why was the lieutenant talking about _pandas_ of all things? Seemingly unaware of how random her train of thought seemed to be, Krauss continued:

“They’re a generally well-liked animal, aren’t they? Some cultures consider them sacred... I’ve actually painted a few myself.” An unusual admission -considering the circumstances-, but not a surprising one. Krauss often had flecks of paint about her person, or smears of graphite. “Unfortunately for them, they’re also considered one of the stupidest animals in the world.”

Krauss waved a careless hand, as if that would help her recall the facts more easily for this impromptu zoology lesson.

“See... they’re already shit at sex in general, so there goes their population numbers.” She smirked. “Can’t repopulate if nobody’s fucking, right? And once they actually _do_ have a baby, the mother’s likely to kill the poor thing before it reaches adulthood anyway; either by neglect, starvation, or just plain old violence. To top it all off, they’re meant to be omnivores, but they only want to gorge themselves with fucking bamboo. Not really suited for their diet. And yet...”

Krauss leaned forward and leveled Blaise with a glare so heated, he was later surprised that the skin hadn’t melted off his face.

“And yet, _Junior Hunter Blaise Cloven_ , I fully believe that goddamn stupid, dumb-as-shit bear would demonstrate better decision-making than you did today!”

She slammed the report onto her desk, causing Blaise to jump violently in his seat yet again, before trying desperately to sink down into it. The Lieutenant General, however, obviously wasn’t feeling merciful enough to let him escape via melting through the floor.

“Explain yourself.” she gritted out icily. “Right. Now.”

_The excuse or the truth?_ Blaise thought. _The excuse or the truth? The excuse or the truth? The excu-_

Krauss’s eyes narrowed, obviously annoyed by the pause.

_Excuse, definitely the excuse!_

“I-I thought it was a test.” He fumbled, trying desperately to maintain eye contact. “We’re always being told how were meant to be leaders, and not followers, so I thought-“

A hand help up cut off his dialogue, while the other pinched the bridge of the Lieutenant General’s nose. She glared at him harder.

“You sure you want to continue lying to me, Cloven?”

_Crap. She’s good._

Before Blaise could think of a way to dig himself out of the hole he’d firmly lodged himself in (or dig himself further down), a soft knock sounded at the door.

Both Hunters turned to glance at the door in surprise, then back to each other. As Blaise thanked every deity imaginable for the (however brief) respite, Krauss snorted and pursed her lips at him.

“Saved by the bell.” She rolled her eyes, then called out: “Come in!”

Just as Blaise was hoping that whoever it was would take a very long time with whatever it was they wanted... of course, _of course_ the person who entered was the goddamned Lieutenant General of Eskria, August Willenheim.

_Welp, goodbye world. It’s been nice knowing you._

Blaise switched over to contemplating his impending doom... while Lieutenant General Krauss had the exact opposite reaction. Her mood appeared to do a complete flip; she seemed to sit up a little straighter in her chair, her eyes lit up, and a soft smile replaced the frown previously found on her face.

“Well,” she grinned widely, “hello, beautiful. You come to see me?”

Blaise wasn’t sure what exactly it was that made his jaw drop, the fact that Krauss had actually just greeted the leader of Eskria with _‘hello, beautiful’_ , or the fact that said greeting had made the leader of Eskria blush and shift bashfully on their feet.

Probably both.

“Not for a social call, I’m afraid.” Willenheim replied momentarily, slipping into a businesslike manner. “Piper and I have already looked over this,” they handed over a small bundle of papers, “and since the day has been surprisingly uneventful, I thought I’d bring it to you myself.”

If possible, Krauss seemed to grow more delighted.  
“Well, I’m glad you did.” She said, continuing to smile dreamily; before practically leaping out of her chair, and gesturing to it. “Here, take my chair, I need to pace.”

The Lieutenant General arched a perfectly manicured eyebrow, but smiled slightly, and did as they were invited to. As they settled in the chair, Krauss -true to her word- began pacing as she read through the document. Blaise could briefly feel Lieutenant Willenheim’s heavy stare on him, even as he kept his eyes firmly locked onto the floor. Thankfully, though, they didn’t say anything to or about him; seemingly more interested in the document they had brought.

(And, it seemed, the woman holding it.)

“So, for the most part, I’m fully on board.” Krauss finally spoke up, having quickly finished reading. “The only thing I would complain about would be this section near the end, but I gather you’ve already thought of that.”

“I have.” Willenheim nodded. “I don’t like it either, and it absolutely must be changed in the near future, but for now...”

“Baby steps?” Krauss finished.

“Yes.” they replied. Then, to Blaise’s utter horror, turned their eyes to him again. “So, who’s this, then?”

“One of my Junior Hunters.” Krauss answered, not looking up from the document. “Who apparently doesn’t know how to _listen_.”

“I see.” The Lieutenant General hummed in reply. Then, a hint of a smirk crossed their face. “So they’ve come to learn from the best, have they?”

Lieutenant Krauss gasped and swooned theatrically.  
“Mean!” she laughed, tossing the bundle of papers to her desk. “So mean.”

“Is it mean to tell the truth?” Willenheim tapped their chin in mock consideration.

Krauss grinned wickedly, bent down to grip the arms of her chair (effectively pinning Willenheim to it), and leaned in.

“So, so mean...”

A bright blush had overtaken the Lieutenant General’s face, and their next words seemed slightly out of breath.  
“I’m sure you’ll get over it.”

“Will I?” Krauss purred, leaning in further. “You might have to kiss it better.”

_Wrong! Wrong!_ The alarm bells in Blaise’s head sang as he helplessly watched his boss essentially seducing, well, _everyone’s_ boss right in front in him. _So wrong! So very, very wrong!_

By this point Blaise was fairly certain that he had been forgotten about entirely, and if there was one thing that he was certain he did _not_ want to be a part of (or even think about, really) ever in his life, it was whatever was about to happen between Lieutenant General Willenheim and Lieutenant General Krauss.

He coughed pointedly, and the matching surprised expressions on the Lieutenant Generals’ faces confirmed his suspicions that, yes, he had indeed been forgotten about.

Krauss turned back to the other Lieutenant General with a smoldering look.

“To be continued.” She murmured, a statement that seemed equal parts threat and promise; before she pulled away (somehow perfectly composed) to pen a signature on the document they had brought to her. “We’re still meeting for lunch?”

“I, er, yes. For now, anyway.” they confirmed; rising out of the chair (having also managed to somewhat regain their composure, despite still-pink cheeks), smoothing down their clothes, and heading towards the door. “I still fully expect something catastrophic to happen and whisk me away.”

Krauss followed them to the door, and presented the now-signed document with a earnest smile.

“Then I’ll come be miserable with you. But until then...” her voice once again dropped into a purr, and the wicked smirk returned, “I’ll be thinking of you _every single moment, kočičko_.”

Blaise had no idea what ‘kočičko’ meant, but Willenheim certainly seemed to. Blaise could practically hear the air _whoosh_ out of their lungs, and watched what little composure they had regained crumble to pieces again. They stared dazedly at Krauss, and Blaise’s traitorous brain helpfully supplied that if he hadn’t been here, someone would have likely been pinned to the door by now. Before he could wonder whether one of them would order him out _before_ they started or if he would have to make his own escape; Willenheim (face still bright red) awoke from their stupor, snatched the document out of Krauss’s hand and dashed out the door.

Krauss gave them a twinkling little wave as they passed, still grinning with delight. Then, a beat after Willenheim had left (with Blaise still wondering what the hell he had just witnessed), she turned back to scowl at Blaise, sending him sinking into the chair again.

“And now, back to you.” she drawled, strolling back to her desk to pick up... _oh no, that’s my file!_ “Want to continue your little story, or...?”

Blaise hung his head miserably. There was no getting out of this. He was done for.

“I’m sorry.” He quaked, almost in a whisper. “For lying and for jeopardizing the mission. I just... I just wanted to prove I was capable. To prove I was worthy to be here.”

“Yeah, I can understand that.” Krauss sighed, some of her annoyance melting away, replaced by genuine concern. “But what if the creature was more dangerous, huh? What if instead of trying to escape, it attacked? Can’t prove anything if you’re dead.”

Blaise could feel tears welling up in his eyes as he choked out:  
“I’ve ruined myself, haven’t I?”

Krauss leaned back in her chair, considering him.  
“Well... normally a stunt like this would result in a demotion at the least, and your immediate removal from the order at the most.”

A brief pause permeated the room.

“But, ah... you’ve caught me in a good mood.” A lazy smile crept to her face, as her eyes flicked over towards the door. Then, they flicked back and Krauss gave his file a wave. “That, and Piper stuck up for you pretty adamantly. Said you had potential, and my guess is you kind of remind her of herself.”

She leaned forward, glare on full blast again. “And since I’m sure you aren’t going to do anything so monumentally stupid _ever_ again...?”

Blaise shook his head vigorously, hope swelling in his chest.

“...Then you can stay.” Krauss finished. Before Blaise could celebrate, though, she held up a finger. “On probation. And with a serious mark in your file; we don’t take these things lightly, Cloven.”

Though still overjoyed, Blaise stifled his excitement, and respectfully answered:  
“Yes, ma’am.”

“Any questions, comments, concerns?”

He shook his head again.  
“No ma’am.”

The hand holding Blaise’s file smoothly shut it and cast it aside.  
“Stellar.” she said, rising from her chair again. Sensing a cue to leave, Blaise scrambled to follow. “Now scram, I have a lunch break to get to.”

For about five seconds on the way out, everything seemed right in the world to Blaise. He wasn’t dead. He wasn’t kicked out. His superior seemed less angry at him and more concerned for him. Everything was great.

...Right up until Krauss tossed him a salacious wink.

“A lunch break to get to,” she practically sang, “and _dessert_ to enjoy.”

All Blaise could think of for the next several days was how he was going to get _that_ image out of his head.

**Author's Note:**

> Czech translation:  
> kočičko-kitten
> 
> Bonus:
> 
> After *mostly* everything from the meeting is discussed:
> 
> Piper: well, guess you got lucky that August showed up to keep Helena from throttling you, huh?
> 
> Blaise, having Vietnam flashbacks of the two most important people in the country’s sexual tension: haha... yup... really lucky...
> 
> Piper:
> 
> Blaise:
> 
> Piper:
> 
> Piper: they were about two seconds away from fucking on the desk, weren’t they?
> 
> Blaise: *groan* YES
> 
> ~later~
> 
> Piper: I can appreciate wanting to put the fear of god into the Juniors
> 
> Piper: but did you have to traumatize him?
> 
> Helena: nope, but it was funny as hell lmao 
> 
> Helena:
> 
> Helena: and I wasn’t lying


End file.
